Adoption vs. Parenting – How to Think Through the Decision When You Are Pregnant in Indiana

By: Grant Kirsh

If you are pregnant and trying to decide what to do, you are facing one of the hardest decisions a person can face. And you are probably feeling pressure from a lot of directions — family, friends, your own fears, and the weight of not knowing what is right.

We want to say something clearly at the start: at Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we do not push adoption. We are not a national adoption agency with an incentive to increase placements. We are a family-run Indiana adoption law firm that has been doing this since 1981, and our job is to make sure you have honest information so you can make the decision that is truly right for you and your baby,whatever that turns out to be.

Here is a framework for thinking through this decision.

Start With Your Real Situation — Not the Ideal One

It is easy to think about what you wish your situation were. But the most useful question is: what is my situation actually like right now?

Think honestly about your housing, your finances, your support system, your relationship with the baby’s father, your own health and emotional wellbeing, and what your day-to-day life would realistically look like with a baby. Not the best case. The real case.

There are no wrong answers here. This is just about seeing your situation clearly.

Think About What You Want for Your Child

What kind of life do you want your child to have? What kind of home, stability, and support do you want them to grow up with? How do you feel about your ability to provide those things right now?

Some women decide that they are ready and able to parent, even in hard circumstances. Others decide that they want their child to have opportunities and stability they cannot provide right now. Both decisions come from love. Neither one is wrong.

Think About What You Want for Yourself

Your life matters in this decision too. What do your goals look like? Where do you want to be in five years? How would parenting or placing your baby change that path? How would each choice affect your mental health, your relationships, and your sense of yourself?

These are not selfish questions. They are honest ones, and honest ones lead to better decisions.

What Does Adoption Actually Look Like?

If you are considering how to give up a baby for adoption, it helps to understand what that actually means today. Most adoptions in Indiana are open or semi-open, meaning you can stay connected to your child through photos, letters, visits, or all of the above. You choose the family. You have your own attorney. Our services are 100% free to you.

All of our families at Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. commit to providing letters and photos for at least 18 years. You will not simply disappear from your child’s story.

What Does Parenting Actually Look Like?

Parenting is also a real choice, and it deserves the same honest look. Are there resources and support systems available to you? Family who can help? Community resources, housing assistance, childcare options? Parenting is hard under any circumstances. Under difficult ones, it requires real support. Are those supports available to you?

You Do Not Have to Decide Alone

Whatever you decide, you deserve support in getting there. At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we talk with expectant mothers across Indiana, in Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, Evansville, South Bend, Carmel, Fishers, Bloomington, Hammond, Gary, Muncie, Lafayette, Terre Haute, Kokomo, Anderson, and Greenwood, who are working through exactly this decision. We listen. We do not pressure. And we give you honest information regardless of what you decide.

Call or text us at 800-333-5736. Visit us at IndianaAdoption.com. There is no cost and no obligation.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.