We, at Adoption Attorneys Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. (“Kirsh & Kirsh”) suspect that most, and probably all, expectant mothers thinking about placing their newborn baby for adoption, sometimes referred to as making an adoption plan, have exactly that thought. No one can answer that question for you. To be clear, we are not psychologists, social workers, or counselors. What follows is a short summary of what those professionals have told us over the 35+ years we have assisted adoptive parents and birth parents with arrangements for adoptions.
There are no two ways about it: if you place your baby for adoption, you will grieve the loss of your child in much the same way as you would grieve the loss of a person close to you who dies. Usually, grief does not last forever and lessens over time, but grief is real, and it is painful. When any of us have a friend or relative who dies, we grieve their passing. Usually, our degree of grief directly relates to our relationship with the deceased person. The closer the relationship – the more intense the grief. It is hard to imagine a relationship closer than between a mother and her child. Everyone handles grief differently, but you should assume your grief will be intense. However, because a decision is difficult or accompanied by grief, does not mean that decision is a bad one. Not all decisions are easy.
Unlike the example of a person dying, whether you decide to proceed with an adoption, parent the child, or make another choice, you have control over the decision, which means there will be consequences, which your choice has created, some of which will be SIGNIFICANT. If you decide to parent the child and find that you are not providing your child the life you believe your child deserves, how will you feel? How long will those feelings last? Will they lessen or intensify over time? Will you resent your child because the child prevented you from fulfilling your own dreams? If you have another child or children, what will adding a child to your home due to your ability to take care of that child or children? Of course, there are other options and feelings that will come into play. In other words, avoiding having to come to terms with the grief associated with adoption, does not necessarily mean the road is easy or stress-free, or even best for you. Only you can make that determination.
We encourage the expectant mothers who come to us to find homes for their newborns and young toddlers to speak with counselors to help them understand and deal with their feelings and emotions. Social workers often refer to the adoption decision as a struggle between one’s heart and head. The heart pulling in one direction and the head in another. We believe that counseling helps birth mothers make decisions that they can live with.
If you would like to look into adoption, in Indiana or anywhere else in the country, without cost or obligation on your part, do not hesitate to contact us. We have helped numerous birth mothers find wonderful, loving homes for their babies. We have lots of wonderful, carefully screened, loving families (married, single, Lesbian, and Gay) who cannot wait to welcome a baby into their hearts and homes and happy to assist with living expenses to the full extent allowed by law.
You can call, text, and or email us anytime —call: 317-575-5555, text: 317-721-2030, email: AdoptionSupport@kirsh.com, or a Facebook message: https://www.facebook.com/KirshandKirsh/. We answer our office phone 24 hours a day, every single day. We try to respond to emails and text messages within minutes of receipt.