It Is Okay to Grieve: The Emotional Side of Placing Your Baby for Adoption in Indiana

By: Grant Kirsh

No one talks about this part enough.

When you are searching for information about giving your baby up for adoption or putting your baby up for adoption in Indiana, most of what you find is about the process — the steps, the legal details, the paperwork. All of that matters. But there is something else that matters just as much, and it does not get enough attention.

It is hard. Emotionally hard. And that is okay.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have been walking alongside Indiana birth mothers for over 40 years. We are a family firm, and over the decades, we have had the privilege of sitting with many women through one of the most difficult moments of their lives. We want to be honest with you about what this experience can feel like — because you deserve honesty, not just reassurance.

Grief and Love Are Not Opposites

Here is something that surprises many people: you can love your baby deeply and still choose adoption. You can feel relief and sadness at the same time. You can be confident in your decision and still cry.

None of those things cancel each other out.

Choosing adoption is a loss — and losses deserve to be grieved. When you place your baby with an adoptive family, you are making an enormous sacrifice out of love. Feeling grief about that is not a sign that you made the wrong choice. It is a sign that you are human, and that you care.

What Grief Might Look Like

Every birth mother’s experience is different. But many women describe similar feelings in the days and weeks after placement:

• A deep sense of emptiness or loss
• Moments of doubt, even when they feel certain they made the right choice
• Moments of doubt, even when they feel certain they made the right choice
• A longing to know how their baby is doing
• Feeling misunderstood by people around them

These feelings are normal. They are not a sign that something is wrong with you or that you made a mistake. They are part of what it means to love someone.

You Do Not Have to Go Through This Alone

The support available to you in the adoption process does not end at placement. At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we believe that emotional support is not an afterthought — it is a core part of what good adoption care looks like.

Before placement: You should have space to talk about your feelings with someone who is not trying to push you toward any particular decision.

During the hospital stay: You should have time with your baby. Time to hold them. Time to say what you need to say. No one should rush you.

After placement: You should have access to counseling and support from people who understand what you are going through. The cost of counseling is typically covered as part of the adoption process in Indiana.

What We Have Seen Over 40 Years

We have worked with birth mothers from across Indiana — from Indianapolis and Carmel to Terre Haute, Anderson, Kokomo, Bloomington, Muncie, South Bend, Evansville, New Albany, Lafayette, and communities in between. Their experiences are not all the same.

But the women who seem to find the most peace over time share a few things in common. They felt truly informed. They did not feel pressured. They chose a family they trusted. And they had support — real support — during and after the process.

For many of them, open adoption made a meaningful difference. Being able to see their child growing up — healthy, loved, and happy — helped them hold both the grief and the peace at the same time.

It Is Also Okay to Feel Relief

We want to name this, because it can be hard to admit: some women feel relief after placement. Relief that their baby is safe. Relief that they made a decision they believed in. Relief that the weight of an impossible situation has been lifted.

Relief does not mean you did not love your child. It means you were brave enough to make a hard choice for the right reasons. You do not have to feel any particular way. Whatever you feel is valid.

We Are Here Before, During, and After

Our job at Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. is not just to handle the legal side of adoption. It is to make sure that every birth mother we work with feels respected, informed, and genuinely cared for — throughout the entire process.

We are a family firm. We have been here in Indiana since 1981. And we are not going anywhere.

If you are in the middle of this decision — or if you just need to talk to someone who has walked through this with many women before you — please reach out. There is no pressure. There is no commitment. There is just a conversation with people who truly care.

Call or text us at 800-333-5736.
Visit us at IndianaAdoption.com. Everything is free and confidential.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.