Scared, Unsure, or Worried What People Will Think? Adoption Feelings Are Normal

By: Grant Kirsh

If you are thinking about how to give up your baby for adoption and feeling scared, confused, guilty, or worried about what other people will think, we want you to know something first: everything you are feeling is normal. You are not a bad person. You are a mother facing one of the hardest decisions a person can face, and feeling the weight of it is a sign of how much you care.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have walked alongside birth mothers through these exact feelings for nearly 50 years. We are a family-run Indiana law firm, and we lead with honesty and care, never pressure.

“I Am So Unsure. What Should I Do?”

Uncertainty is normal. This is a huge decision, and you do not have to have it all figured out today. The best first step is simply to get honest information so you can make the right choice for you and your baby, whatever that turns out to be. Talking to us costs nothing and obligates you to nothing. We will not push you toward adoption. We will help you understand your options.

“Will My Child Grow Up Hating Me?”

This fear breaks our hearts because it comes from such a deep place of love. Here is what we can tell you from nearly 50 years of experience: children who are adopted, especially through open adoption where they grow up knowing their birth mother loved them enough to make a hard choice, do not typically grow up hating their birth mothers.

In an open adoption, your child can grow up seeing your love through letters, photos, and updates. They grow up knowing the truth: that you chose adoption because you wanted them to have a wonderful life. That is not something children hate. It is something they come to understand as an act of love.

“My Friend Said Adoption Is Like Giving My Baby Away.”

People who have not faced this decision sometimes say hurtful things without understanding. Choosing adoption is not giving your baby away. It is choosing a loving, stable family for your child when you are not able to provide that right now. It is one of the most selfless and courageous things a mother can do. Do not let someone else’s words, spoken from a place of not understanding, define your choice.

“What Will My Friends and Family Think of Me?”

This worry is real, and we will not pretend it is not. Some people will not understand. But this is your decision and your child, not theirs. The people who matter will come to see your courage. And the Kirsh family has always strived not just to help women with their adoption plans in Indiana, but to help them feel like part of our family. If the people around you are not supportive, you are not alone. We are here.

“I Have Carried This Baby for Nine Months. I Do Not Know If I Can Do It.”

Of course this is hard. You have carried this child, felt them move, dreamed about them. The bond is real. Feeling torn does not mean you are making the wrong choice. It means you are human. Many birth mothers feel this exact way and still choose adoption because they know it is the right thing for their child. And many choose to parent. Either way, the decision should be yours, made with honest information and real support.

“I Do Not Know If I Can Live With Myself.”

The birth mothers who find the most peace over time are the ones who felt informed, supported, never pressured, and who chose a family they trusted. Grief and peace can exist together. Over time, especially when you can see your child growing up loved and safe in an open adoption, many birth mothers come to a place of genuine peace with their decision. You will have support through all of it, including counseling that is covered 100% by the adoptive family.

You Do Not Have to Decide Alone

Whatever you are feeling, you deserve support. Whether you are in Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, Evansville, South Bend, Carmel, Fishers, Bloomington, Hammond, Gary, Muncie, Lafayette, Terre Haute, Kokomo, Anderson, or Greenwood, we are here to listen. Our services are 100% free.

Call or text us at 800-333-5736. Visit us at IndianaAdoption.com. Everything is free and confidential.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.