Will You Ever Know How Your Baby Is Doing After Adoption? Here’s the Truth

By: Grant Kirsh

One of the first questions we hear from expectant mothers thinking about adoption is this: Will I ever know how my baby is doing?

It is a fair question. And the answer, for most mothers who place a baby for adoption in Indiana today, is yes.

Adoption has changed a lot over the years. The old image — where a birth mother said goodbye forever and never heard another word — is mostly a thing of the past. Today, most adoptions include some kind of ongoing contact between the birth mother and the adoptive family. This is called open adoption, and it has become the norm for a reason.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have been guiding Indiana birth mothers through this process for over 40 years. We are a family-run firm, and we understand that the relationship between a birth mother and her child does not simply end at placement. Here is what you need to know.

What Is Open Adoption?

Open adoption means there is ongoing contact between you and the adoptive family after your baby is placed with them. What that contact looks like depends on what both you and the family agree to. It might include:

• Photos and updates — All of our families, at a minimum, provide letters and photos for 18 years letting you know how your child is doing.
• In-person visits — Some families meet with the birth mother a few times a year. Others visit more often. You may decide you do not want visits at all. It is your decision.
• Holiday or birthday contact — Some families keep in touch around special occasions.

There is no one-size-fits-all version of open adoption. The arrangement is built around what works for you and the family you choose.

What Is Semi-Open Adoption?

In a semi-open adoption, contact happens through a third party — often the attorney’s office — instead of directly between you and the family. You might receive photos and updates without exchanging personal contact information.

This is a good option for birth mothers who want to know their child is safe and loved, but prefer to keep some privacy or distance in the relationship. This is not a common choice, unless the birth mother specifically wants this type of arrangement.

What Is Closed Adoption?

In a closed adoption, there is no contact after placement and no identifying information is shared on either side. Closed adoption used to be the standard. Today it is rare.

Some birth mothers still choose closed adoption, and that is a valid option. But it is no longer the default. At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., whether to have a closed adoption is the birth mother’s choice — not the adoptive family’s. Most families entering adoption today are open to some level of ongoing connection, because they know that connection matters to the child growing up.

Can I Change the Level of Contact Over Time?

The agreement you make before placement sets expectations for both sides. It is important to understand that for newborn adoptions in Indiana, these contact arrangements are not legally enforceable. That is why it is so important to be honest about what you truly want — not just what you think the family wants to hear — and to choose a family whose values and commitment you genuinely trust.

If you want photos and updates, say so. If you want visits, say so. A good adoptive family will not be scared off by a birth mother who wants to stay connected. In fact, many families actively hope for that relationship. At Kirsh & Kirsh, we encourage adoptive parents to have open adoptions. It is better for everyone.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we help you think through what level of contact feels right for you before you ever choose a family. That way, you can look for a family whose expectations match yours.

What Happens If the Family Does Not Keep Their Promise?

This is a real concern, and we want to be honest with you. For newborn adoptions in Indiana, post-adoption contact arrangements are not legally enforceable. The best protection is choosing a family you trust — people who genuinely value their relationship with you, not just a promise on paper.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we are very particular about the families we work with, and we expect our clients to honor what they have committed to. In our experience, families who enter open adoption with sincerity almost always follow through. Your child’s story includes you, and good adoptive parents know that.

We Help Birth Mothers Across Indiana

Whether you are in Bloomington, South Bend, Muncie, Terre Haute, Anderson, Kokomo, or anywhere in between — we are here to help. Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. has been serving Indiana families since 1981, and we understand that every birth mother’s situation is different.

Call or text us at 800-333-5736.
Visit us at IndianaAdoption.com. Everything is free and confidential.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.