How Foster Care Adoption Affects the Whole Family

By: Grant Kirsh

When a family decides to adopt from Indiana’s foster care system, the decision affects everyone, not just the adults who sign the paperwork. It affects biological or previously adopted children already in the home. It affects grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close friends. It changes routines, dynamics, and expectations in ways that are sometimes joyful, sometimes hard, and always significant.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have helped nearly 3,000 families complete foster care adoptions in Indiana. We serve families across Marion County, Lake County, Allen County, Hamilton County, Tippecanoe County, St. Joseph County, Hendricks County, Elkhart County, Johnson County, Delaware County, Vanderburgh County, Porter County, Madison County, Vigo County, Monroe County, and the rest of Indiana. Here is what we have seen about how foster care adoption affects the whole family, and how to prepare.

Talking to Children Already in the Home

If you have biological or previously adopted children, how you talk to them about the foster care adoption matters enormously. Children of all ages need age-appropriate honesty, they should not be surprised by the arrival of a new sibling, and they should have space to ask questions and express their own feelings.

Some children are excited and welcoming. Some feel threatened or anxious about sharing their parents’ attention. Some react in ways that surprise everyone. All of these reactions are normal. Give your children room to feel what they feel, and make sure they know that your love for them is not diminished by the arrival of a new family member.

Preparing for the Adjustment Period

Children who come from the foster care system often carry the effects of instability, loss, and sometimes trauma. This can show up in behaviors that are challenging, difficulty trusting adults, emotional dysregulation, testing boundaries, or withdrawing. This is not a sign that something is wrong with your family. It is a normal response to an abnormal amount of disruption in a child’s early life.

Give the adjustment period time. Months, not weeks. Some families find that it takes a full year or more before a child truly settles in. That is okay. Stability, consistency, and love are the most powerful tools you have.

Extended Family Dynamics

Not every grandparent, aunt, or uncle responds to a foster care adoption the same way. Some extended family members are immediately warm and welcoming. Others take more time. Some have concerns or questions that deserve to be answered honestly.

It helps to talk to your extended family before placement, to prepare them, answer their questions, and help them understand what the child may have been through and what they need. The more your village is prepared, the better the support network around your new child will be.

The Parents’ Relationship

Foster care adoption is also a significant stress on a marriage or partnership. The demands of parenting a child from a hard background, while managing court dates, DCS involvement, and the emotional weight of the process, can take a toll. Stay connected with each other. Make sure you are both on the same page about expectations, parenting approaches, and how to handle hard moments.

Where to Get Support

You do not have to figure all of this out alone. Indiana offers post-adoption support services for families who adopt from foster care. Support groups, family therapists who specialize in adoption, and parent training programs are available across the state, in Hamilton, Tippecanoe, Elkhart, Vanderburgh, Monroe Counties and beyond.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have been serving Indiana foster care adoption families for nearly 40 years. We handle the legal side, but we also want to make sure you have the support you need for everything else.

Call us at 317-575-5555. Visit us at DCSAdoptions.com.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.