How Do I Know If the Adoptive Family Is Right for My Baby?

By: Grant Kirsh

When you are thinking about how to give up your baby for adoption in Indiana, one of the most meaningful parts of the process is choosing the family. And one of the most common questions we hear from expectant mothers is: how will I know if a family is the right one?

There is no formula for this. But there are things you can look for, questions you can ask, and feelings you can trust. At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have been helping Indiana birth mothers make this choice for nearly 50 years, and we have seen what makes a match feel right, and what makes it feel off.

Start With What Matters Most to You

Before you look at a single profile, spend a little time thinking about what matters most to you in a family. Some questions to consider:

Do you want your child to grow up in a religious household, or a secular one? Do you want siblings in the home, or would you prefer your baby be an only child for a while? Do you want a family in Indiana, or are you open to families from other states? Do you care about where they live, city or suburbs or a small town? What about their careers, their hobbies, the kind of life they lead?

There are no right or wrong answers. These are your values, and they deserve to be part of this decision.

What to Look for in a Profile

When you review family profiles, you are looking for more than information, you are looking for a feeling. Does this family seem genuine? Do they feel warm? Do they seem like people who will love your child the way your child deserves to be loved?

Look at how they write about themselves. Are they specific and personal, or does it feel generic? Look at their photos. Do they seem happy and at ease, or posed and stiff? These small things can tell you a lot about who people really are.

Questions Worth Asking

You are allowed to ask families anything. Many birth mothers find it helpful to ask:

How do you plan to tell my child about their adoption story? What will you tell them about me? How do you feel about open adoption and staying in touch? What does a typical weekend look like in your home? What are your hopes and dreams for this child?

A family that is right for your baby will welcome these questions. They want you to feel good about this too.

Trust Your Gut

Sometimes everything looks right on paper and something still feels off. Trust that. And sometimes a family just feels right in a way that is hard to explain. Trust that too. You are not just choosing a profile, you are choosing the people who will love and raise your child. Your instincts matter.

What If You Do Not Connect With Anyone?

That happens. With over 100 families waiting at Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have real flexibility to help you find more profiles or refine what you are looking for. Whether you are in Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, Evansville, South Bend, Carmel, Fishers, Bloomington, Hammond, Gary, Muncie, Lafayette, Terre Haute, Kokomo, Anderson, or Greenwood, you deserve to find the right family, not just a family.

You Can Change Your Mind

Until you sign the legal consent to adoption, which cannot happen until after your baby is born, you can change your mind about the family at any time. There is no penalty and no pressure.

Call or text us at 800-333-5736. Visit us at IndianaAdoption.com. Our services are always free.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.