How to Talk to Your Parents About Placing Your Baby for Adoption in Indiana

By: Grant Kirsh

For many expectant mothers thinking about how to give up their baby for adoption, the hardest part is not the legal process or the paperwork. The hardest part is telling their family.

You may be afraid that your parents will be angry, disappointed, or try to talk you out of it. You may worry that they will not understand. You may not know how to bring it up at all.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., we have walked alongside many birth mothers through this exact conversation. We are a family-run firm ourselves, and we understand how complicated family dynamics can be. Here is some guidance that we hope will help.

You Do Not Owe Anyone an Explanation Before You Are Ready

This is your decision. While your family’s feelings matter, the decision about your baby belongs to you. You do not need your parents’ permission or approval to place your baby for adoption in Indiana.

If you are a minor, the process has some additional considerations, but adoption is still available to you. Even as a minor you do not need your parents’ permission to proceed with an adoption. While we would like them to be involved, legally speaking, you do not need their consent. Talk to us, and we can help you understand what your specific situation looks like.

When You Are Ready to Talk, Be Honest

Most parents respond better to honesty than to being kept in the dark. If you are able to, consider telling them:

You have been thinking about this carefully. You are not making this decision on a whim. You have spoken with professionals who have given you real information. You believe this is the right choice for your baby and for your future.

Help them understand that choosing adoption is not giving up. It is putting your child first.

Be Prepared for a Range of Reactions

Most parents are supportive immediately. Some need time. Some react with anger or disappointment that eventually softens. And some, unfortunately, will not understand.

The Kirsh family has strived to not only help women with their adoption plans in Indiana, but to also help them feel like they are part of the family. If your own family is not supportive, we want you to know that you are not alone.

What If Your Family Is Pressuring You NOT to Place?

This happens frequently. A birth mother wants to make an adoption plan, but her parents or other family members pressure her to keep the baby. Sometimes they offer to help raise the child, and sometimes those promises fall through after the baby arrives.

We encourage you to make the decision that is right for you, not the decision that makes someone else comfortable. If adoption is what you believe is best, trust that. If parenting is what you believe is best, trust that too. But make the decision from a place of honest self-assessment, not guilt or pressure.

The best advice I can give you when assessing friends and family’s promises to help you with the baby is not to take them at their word, but evaluate them based on their past behavior. Someone once said to me the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. If they have always been there for you, then you can probably count on them to be there for you this time. If they are people you have never been able to rely on, then unfortunately, that is what is probably going to happen this time.

We Can Help With the Conversation

If you want help preparing for this conversation, or if you want us to be available to answer your parents’ questions, we can do that. Sometimes hearing from an experienced adoption attorney helps family members understand the process and feel more comfortable with it.

Whether you are in Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, Evansville, South Bend, Carmel, Fishers, Bloomington, Hammond, Gary, Muncie, Lafayette, Terre Haute, Kokomo, Anderson, or Greenwood, we are here.

Call or text us at 800-333-5736. Visit us at IndianaAdoption.com. Everything is free and confidential.

For a complete overview of the adoption process, read our Complete Guide to Giving Up a Baby for Adoption in Indiana.

About the Author
Grant Kirsh is a second-generation adoption attorney and owner of Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C., a family law firm in Indianapolis, Indiana that has been serving Indiana families since 1981. Grant graduated from Indiana University McKinney School of Law in 2013 and has personally handled nearly 3,000 foster care adoptions and his law firm has handled over 5,000 private newborn adoptions. He practices all forms of domestic adoption, with a deep personal commitment to expectant mothers considering adoption in Indiana and Indiana’s foster care system and the families and children it serves.