I cannot believe I am pregnant again. What should I do?

At Adoption Attorneys Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. (“Kirsh & Kirsh”), we have worked with a number of birth mothers who put their babies up for adoption or, more correctly made an adoption plan for their newborns and returned to us with another unplanned pregnancy.  One such birth mother said that she was hesitant to call us the second time because she felt like “scum” (her words) for winding up unexpectedly pregnant again. I assured her that her situation happens more than she thought – and it does.

Over the 35+ years we have been handling adoptions, we have had a number of women who have come to us with more than one pregnancy, asking for our assistance in finding an adoptive home for their children. I told this expectant mother that even though she did not intend to get pregnant, her pregnancy is certainly not a “mistake”, and that if she proceeds with an adoption plan for her baby, her child will receive a loving, forever family, who wants desperately to have a child.

Most often, when this happens, we ask the birth mother if she would like to have the family, who adopted the previous baby, adopt the soon-to-be-born baby. Almost always she says, “YES,” and the family is thrilled to have the opportunity. As part of our adoption program, we have the adoptive parents provide letters and photos to the birth mother of their child, keeping the birth parent updated on how the child is doing, if the birth parent would like them. We have found a direct correlation between adoptive parents who diligently and timely provide those updates and a “repeat” expectant mom’s decision to have the same family adopt.

Recently, a birth mother, who placed her baby for adoption more than 30 years ago, asked us to forward a letter to her child. In the letter, she wrote: “Over the years you were growing up, I asked on a number of occasions for updates about you. Your parents were kind and generous enough to respond. For that, they have my eternal gratitude. They wrote detailed and thoughtful letters responding to my many questions, describing who you were as a person, experiences you were having, how much they loved you.” She placed only one child, but I expect that if she had a second untimely or unplanned pregnancy, she would have wanted the original family you adopt.

Very few women with whom we have met over the years got pregnant on purpose; however, all of the children that were born as a result of those pregnancies and then adopted have been an absolute blessing to the families who received them. I know this because every year, I receive hundreds of cards and letters from these families telling me how very much these children are loved and adored.

Birth mothers have always been, and will continue to be, heroes in our eyes. They actively choose to place the needs of their children over their own, and at the same time make the dreams of families who are longing to be parents come true. It makes no difference whether it is a woman’s first or fifth pregnancy– the utterly selfless act of placing a child for adoption remains the same.

At Kirsh & Kirsh, we will always treat you will kindness and respect. We will never pressure you or make you feel badly about whatever decision you make.

You can call, text and or email us anytime. To contact us—call: 317-575-5555/text: 317-721-2030/email: AdoptionSupport@kirsh.com/ Facebook message:  https://www.facebook.com/KirshandKirsh/. We answer our office phone, 24 hours a day, every single day. We try to respond to emails and text messages within minutes of receipt.